I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
