Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
