I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wear drunk well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize