To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
