When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize