i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
