No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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