I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
