tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
