I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
