Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im part way to drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
