I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
