The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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