I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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