I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
