also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize