she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
