i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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