I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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