i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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