He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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