I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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