mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
