Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
