Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Enjoy the penises
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
