And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
