I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize