I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
