i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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