Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My penis needs a shock collar
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
