Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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