It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
