You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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