Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
