I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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