OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
