He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize