the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
