You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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