I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize