i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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