i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
