hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
