Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
