My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
