: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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