i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
