i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
