Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
