Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
