Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
