Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
