i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize