i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he fucked my hip out of place.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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