A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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