pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
