I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
