So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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