Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
