Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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