I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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