Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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