He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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