Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
