another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
