What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
