i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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