Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
