If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
