i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
