this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
