she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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