So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
