That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
