He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize