Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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