U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
