Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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