I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
