I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize