my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
