All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
