a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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