I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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