i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
