I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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