I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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