why didn't you poke me back
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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