I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
