I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
