today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
