I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Small penises have feelings too.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
