ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
