found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We left the knife in your bed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
